heartless

this feeling of dissassociation is a very simple emtoion; and easily achieved at that.
to be honest when i left Pune, i was not concerend with coming home and suddenly feeling apart from it. and for a long time, everytime i would return things would somehow fold back into some form of how they were. i expected change, but i expceted to be in some form a part of their lives no matter where i was.

but now everytime i plan to go back, i start of excited and home sick, and before i know it i feel afraid of returning and being a stranger to people who feel so familiar to me. and i look forward to it less and less.
i'm not new to disclusion. but not from them.
and its so simple;
like something i knew all along but never realised.

i suppose where i lack being a fool in love, i am one in camaraderie.

the more i feel this,
the less i want to go back,
and the more i want to not know any of them anymore.