shock and awe.

i feel very deceived by the world, by the media, by my parents, by the environment, by opinions of other people i dont even know.
they say i should cry. they say i should be mourning for loss. they expect my insides to be curling, kankerous like burning paper.

but im fine. i dont feel like you say i should.
why dont i feel that way? why is it so numb? why do i feel no difference between yesterday and today? why am i not sad?
why do i feel fresh and ready already?

am i stone within? am i so coldly inhumanly oblivious to common emotion?
you make me feel alien. like i dont belong here.
not just on this island, not just on this planet.
i dont belong in human form, bound by the mediorcity of five senses. i feel nothing alike to what you think i must.

but i must run. keep running.
away and to and away and to. and away.
i laugh at my quests to find this exact ever evolving image of what it should be.
dust to water, to air to paranoia, to music to never ending rushes of hormones.
and i shall, even after my legs tire.

am i not like you? i would and would not like to be.
i am conditioned to want to, and i am allowed to want not to. and yet anarchy, i know, could never have been the answer.
i just know, i may never be able to stay.
the appeal of constant change beats a better rhythm, but you never hear.
you never hear it.