remeber how sometimes you have such sweet dreams and you dont want to wake from them, but then you decide... oh it's alreday noon, might as well wake up. and then everything seems horrible. and you just dont want to get out of bed. and it feels like if you do get out of bed you'll die. its this horrible down feeling that's like a massive flesh easting bacteria. and then everything seems to be yelling out at you "dont leave the house".
and youre falling through all those empty circles whcih by know mind you have become so familiar, its almost like home, and thats what scares you.
the sun isnt shining brightly. i can see haze right outside my own window. my hips hurt. my lips feel dry. and today feels like a bad day.
i shoudlnt leave the house. i shouldnt step one step out of lincoln lodge.
todays one of those days when i feel like if i leave the safty confines of my four walls, i die.
some freak accident, or something not that freakky maybe will happen and i will die.
i cant leave the house today.
i know it.
i musnt leave.
my burnt ego must get the better part of me.
2 comments:
Swim with the fish.
Its almost become natural to be a teen adolescent with an axe hacking away at oneself...playing the victim ever so often. everybody does it...I did it too back in the day. Try humour for a change, it should be refreshing for you and your writing, otherwise you tend to fall into a rut of dank depressive stuff and no creativty is required for that.
Humour (Irony, Wit, satire e.t.c) is the highest form of creativity...essential for a good writer, so let's see what you got.
Don't play the victim.
@ invictus: hail thy all knowing stature, but i ll go ahead and express disagreement. dude.. wit is fine. but this post was all about the momentary glimpse of that weirdish 'i know the unknowable' kinda feeling... which u probably wont get, coz u would be too busy thinking up 'waking up at noon' jokes.
@Natasha: :) Not defending you, but yeah. have felt the same .. and hence the smiley.
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