it would be nice to change his past to my convienience and not have to suffer intolerable pangs of this horrid new disease.
would have been nice to slip another note out of the bag and then buying things wouldnt be so difficult and i woudlnt have to strategise and plan out carefully all my buys and expenditures.
perhaps is i wrte down all my ideas everytime they came to me, instead of taking for granted that i will remeber them later, i would have my book at least started by now. but no. these things arent possible. becaus ethe mistakes, the flaws all happened in the past. unless i get an answer or learn from some hi-tec ultra-advanced foreign aliens how to create a worm hole and travle through it and back within seconds, i cant chnage the past. i cant chnage what i did, what he did, what the other he and he and he did. cnt change what she and she did. cant chnage what they and he did. so i sit her. and i blog.
but sometime si look back and i wonder where did it all come from and why do people say it all happens for the best when you could evry possibly feel the worst right now? what gaurantee do we have that everything will work its way thorugh, fine and able-bodied? how do we know we are not going to end up sufferning and lerning nothing but bitterness? that couldnt happen for the best now could it?
sometimes the ties that bind and hold me together see burnt out at the ends. or sometimes feel too loose. i feel horrid and ugly about myself. and then i know i shouldnt really care. but i do. and i know i cant stop thoughts from flowing. you cant even control them. youre thoughts control you. think about it.
but the bottom line to everything is, i dont like people touching whats mine.
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