exile.

i toy with the idea of complete and utter exile; to walk away from my life as it is, and rebuild it in whatever way falls into place. i fantasize about leaving my house and my family, my man, and my friends, my technology and my shoe closet. i fantasize about letting go of everything i have known, and walking away into something i truly make for myself. i want to forget biological function and evolutionary instinct, i don't want to be influenced by darwinism or creationism. i want to move away from what i am supposed to do and move in to a self dimension of pure self, unaffected by past, created as if adam.

but i don't like it, if i cant live like that, if my survival instinct is stronger than my hormonal imbalances, will everything be waiting for me when i come back, or do i stand to lose everything?

i stand to lose everything.

but i cant help but fantasize that maybe this is a risk i must take.