I'm bound to the safety of my world. I have given into normalcy. Given up on trying to be different. Maybe I am maybe I'm not. But my foolishly worried, anxious mind has driven me to a spot where I might not feel very comfortable, but where I know I am safest. This weird momentum in my life disproves everything I thought I am and stood for. Is this what they call growing up? Is this the ageing process? If it is I would be far from surprised. It disgruntles me, it does. It makes me feel out of place while I feel unpleasantly in sync. I feel as if I have lost some part of me, almost as if there is a barrier between me and the soul of the earth. After years of roaming through the fields, barefoot, I have decided to wear chappals.
Was all that a rush of emotion, endorphins, hormones? Were those just biologically influenced feelings instigated by curiosity and circumstance? How lonely I feel now, hardly standing out, falling right in with the hustle bustle and daily life.
I feel so grown and so small. I feel betrayed by the life I lead and the world we all are forced to live in. Where are all my feelings hiding? I used to be able to love so deeply, I could create waterfalls. I forget how it feels to not have a constant ache in the brain.
After a beautifully turbulent 8 years, my hormones are settling.
Reality, this is Natasha. Natasha, this is Reality.
2 comments:
brilliant blog.
i found myself reflected so much in some of your posts.
it's like we've almost been through the same things.
kudos, and keep writing!
love.
Shudder and shiver..the feeling is familiar and mutual.
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