READ... let me dance.

its been removed. partially. at least for now.

the thunder outside crashes like buildings falling down. aybe buildings are falling down? nope. 'spose not. what is it about me that makes me different from the rest of you ugly mortals? what sort of role do i play in this lovely existance? and you should stop right here if you cant sense sarcasm without having to hear it. not beacsue im loaded with alot of sarcasm. just that it irritates the fuck out of me when you dont get it.
i can be an errupting potty mouth.
i can be the vulnerable girl next door who smiles ever so coyly at you when you happen to pass by.
or i can be the raunchy dancer on tables gyrating my massive hips right in your face. this one usually takes a bit of alcohol and a good celebration.
im clumsy with my actions, with my words. but im not indecisive usually.

and im trying to write. im imgaining that maybe before im old. grey and ugly i might have a book published. a good book that receives good critical acclaim. and then it will be made into a movie and i'll write the script, choose the actors and direct the movie. i'll be on talk shows, i'll start wonderful charity organisations. i'll buy a big house and a nice, fast, red car. i'll go for the golden globes, the tonys (it will be a broadway play too), the oscars. i'll drink champagne with hollywood royalty. i'll buu designer clothes. eat disigner food. get a bum job, tummy tuck, boob job, face lifts, lip job, botox, chemical peels. the works and still look natural. i'll give autographs to people, be at book signing sessions, be the cover of time, cosmo, natural geographic. people will spread nasty rumors about me. everything will be perfect. i can retire when im 40 and live a comfertable, peaceful life. i'll be rich, famous. and matirealistic as fuck.

but after all the big talk and massive dreams, i know what will happen. i'll write my book under an alias. no one will care too mcuh for it, because they wont really get me. people dont really get me. some people do.
but most people dont. they dont understand how i work. i need to be observed carefully, under much scrutiny to figure out which lever will fall which way when which nerve is pulled.

anyhow, none of that should matter.
what i really want right now is people to just read. just read.

so yeah.. read.