Savvy.

I feel painfully raw within. I had to tell them when I was ready. How could I make that decision? I couldn’t ever be ready. But my heart was breaking harder when I saw the pain in your face and when your swollen belly gently nudged against my back I knew I didn’t have to be ready, because you were.
It just wouldn’t settle. When could it be enough? It feels so unfair that your entire life was just a fraction of mine. And I want you for so much longer.
A hundred flashbacks, sitting there with you, of your big, bright, brown eyes looking ever so curious, the sharp thump of your tail against the floor when I’d come down in the morning. Now ever day I come back from school and you're not going to be at the door. But I would recognize your sharp bark anywhere, or the touch of your wet nose while I sleep, and your horrid, pungent doggie breath.

Thank you, baby, for being the lovely character that you were, gentle and protective, a little snooty but so loving. I will miss you everyday.
You knew when I was upset and you’d follow me everywhere. You knew when I was going to eat and so you’d follow me more. How you’d go crazy barking if we said one, two, three in slow menacing tones, silly girl. And when you were younger and we were scared, you’d come and check on us twice every night. And of course, you were always too dignified to ever want Lud’s raggedy ball. Such a princess.

I remember the first day you came, bright eyed and jumping about, tearing apart anything that could be torn apart. I remember your last run away, just a week ago. Now I wish I hadn’t smacked you and had let you revel in your little escapade. But I was only worried, and worry turns to anger too easily doesn’t it.

I love you my baby girl. And the thought of everyday from now on going on without you is intolerable. But we had you for nine and a half beautiful years, and I'm just so glad you're not in pain and you're not sick any more. It would have been so selfish for us to have brought you back home today. So I let you go. I made sure your could feel my nails grazing against your head, just the way you like. And I stayed until your body got cold and still you looked so alive, I kept expecting to see your belly rise again.

I love you and adore you and cherish you so much. I hope you always knew that, I hope I always made that clear.
I miss you terribly, and I dread tomorrow.

Bye-bye, baby
I love you.