Everything He Ever Wanted To Say

Because, see, Nat, in the beginning your face, your body, your ass, your tone of voice, the topics you'd choose to discuss made me believe so convincingly that you were different; different in the way in which you didn’t have to try, you just were. Poetic as it maybe now, you let me chase you down your rabbit hole, I did it, thinking you'd let me hold you eventually.
But all that happened was that you let me scratch your skin and look at what you really are.

You are an ugly, dark creation. You are different, and you are mean. You are self centred and selfish, never giving in, never compromising. It is always about you, your independence, your need for security, your need to love someone; your need to have complete control over your life, over me. You have this scientifically proven idea of life and love and to you everything works inside the body; leaving you no space to think for yourself, to love for yourself, to believe in something bigger than your insignificant self. That spark I saw in your eye just a few years ago seems to have been replaced with a more malicious gleam. And that gleam empties your eyes, leaving your face with a wretched emotion exquisitely torn across.

I know even saying all these things, be it in your mind true or false, will not hurt you because you have truly let your insides become cold and stony. I dint feel safe, or warm when I am with you anymore. In the last two years, you kept leaving to find your head, your ideals, and your love. This time I’m leaving. And I don’t think I’m leaving to come back.

You’ve become indifferent to the world. And I do not see how you continue living this way, such a contradiction to who you were. But you do as you like, as I know you will. Stay and be this ugly bitch, change, I don’t care anymore. To me it feels as if it takes as much time to fall in love as it takes to fall out of it, and whatever lies in between really doesn’t matter if love is fallen out of.

I know you so well that I don’t know you at all. Any time on you feels like time wasted.
I don’t know who you are when you’re in your room alone, and no ones watching. Maybe you cry in a corner and this cruel, vicious behaviour that you frequently display is all a cry for help. But even if it is, I'm not the one to help you. Maybe you just have changed to salt and stone.
Either way, know that you and I, we, are done.
You have in your simply destructive ways, forced me to fall out of love with you. To me you are maybe as good as dead.

I wish you well, nat.
I hope you get all you want.
If you still have dreams, I hope they come true.

I loved you,
xxxxxxxxxx